As senior citizens age, there is a growing need to develop skills of comfort and solace when visiting a seriously ill or terminal patient, whether it be in a hospital room, ICU, nursing home, or hospice. When older adults are called upon to visit a friend in the one of these situations, there are some specific considerations worth learning about. You may need to do some thinking before the visit to deal with your own feelings.
Stay in the Moment With Terminal Senior Patients
When visiting a critically ill or terminal senior, limit your conversation mostly to the here and how. Topics may include the room temperature, how the older patient slept, the picture on the wall, the weather outside, the chirping of a bird, etc. Use your own internal edit function before speaking, considering how the words might affect the senior who is so very ill.
If the older patient talks about the past that is fine, but follow the patient's choice of topics from the past. Don't introduce topics from the past. It can aggravate grief which may or may not be revealed to the visitor since some patients hold the feelings in to avoid offending the visitor.
Bringing up the future can cause terrible discomfort in an older patient who may not have much of a future. Consider how you would feel if people around you are talking about something you can never have. Again, the only time to mention the future is when the patient brings it up. Notice when the sick senior stops talking about a topic. That may be a good cue to let that subject go.
Bringing Gifts and Entertainment to Critically Ill Seniors
Visitors may wish to bring a gift to a loved one who is critically or terminally ill. Just remember the patient may be too weak to open a wrapped present so a gift bag may be in order. Depending on how sedated the patient is, bringing a book may be a dubious choice. Older adults who are very sick may find it too challenging to pay attention throughout a whole book, much less hold it up with their weak hands and arms. A small piece of chocolate or nice card may be more logical than a larger gift.
The same idea applies to reading a book to such senior patients. Due to medications, pain, and other considerations a long novel may be too hard to attend to while poems, readings, and short stories would be realistic. It may be helpful to ask the patient if he or she wants to be read to as some would find it enjoyable and some would find it distressing.
A good rule of thumb would be to avoid "selling" an activity or book on the patient, rather ask and get a response. If no interest is shown, consider reducing the time of that activity. However, there are times when a patient simply finds comfort in the sounds and rhythm of your voice, so don't be too concerned about comprehension. Just notice if the older person wants to be read to.
Give the Older Person Who is Quite Ill Privacy When Needed
When issues of hygiene, bathroom needs, or uncovering for medical staff to work on the patient, step out of the room. Maybe this would be a fine time to go to the restroom down the hall, get a drink, or take a short walk.
In an effort to be brave some visitors stay in the room when the patient's dignity is compromised. A very sick senior has so little control over life that honoring privacy is a way of letting the patient retain some control and self-respect.
Let Silence Happen When Visiting Older Adults Who are Seriously Ill
It can be challenging for the average visitor to just sit, but sometimes that may be just what is needed. Feel free to sit close by the bed, holding hands if the older patient seems to welcome that, and share your strength and energy. Do not grip hands hard as that can cause pain and even bruising; slip your hand into or under the sick person's hand and just be emotionally available to the patient.
Do not try to fill the air space with chatty conversation. It's quite all right for moments of silence to occur. Maybe this would be a good time to meditate silently while just being there for the patient. Ponder or pray while you allow a healing silence to be in the sick room. This may help you move from grief to growth during the visit.
There are some specific things to say or do when visiting an older adult who is terminally or seriously ill. Stay in the moment bringing comfort and joy to the present moment. Put care into the choice of gifts and activities for entertainment. Give the sick senior privacy when needed in order to retain their sense of dignity. And one of the most effective techniques is to let silence happen during your visit to a sick room. It is possible to bring solace and moments of pleasure to a critically ill senior citizen. Just remember to bring your smile along as it can decorate the day for the senior you love.
Hildra Tague - Mrs. Hildra Tague is a freelance writer, consultant, and teacher dedicated to issues of education and parenting. This all started when she ...
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